Sometimes I forget........

that I'm not a super hot girl. I know that this is a long journey. I know that in my brain but my heart gets often discouraged. When I have a super workout like I had tonight, I feel strong and empowered then I get a glance in the mirror and realize that I have not been doing this long enough to make a physical change. I'm still a big, fat girl. Boo.

Tonight, I do feel great about myself. I told myself that I would wake up and go to a spinning class. Ohh the bed felt good and I couldn't leave it. Then I told myself I would go to an evening spinning class and I was late getting back into town after running errands in a nearby town. SO. I went to the gym and did an hour and a half of cardio and about 15 minutes of strength training. Because it is like midnight, I had the gym to myself. It was LOVELY.

Which brings me to the two types of people that go to the gym. Type A: Regular gym goers, athletic and fitness consious. These people have ALWAYS worked out. Type B: People trying to get into shape.

I currently fit into Type B. Which is fine. I have a problem with the people who have issues working out in a gym. I could care less what I look like or what everyone thinks of me. I CLEARLY fit into Type B. Everyone knows why I'm there! So, people who worry about everyone else, eff em and start your workout.

The Hot Girl

I used to be her. And now I'm not. And it sucks. Tonight I went out with a few friends and I still haven't adjusted to the fact that I'm not going to be checked out. I know this sounds stupid but it truly sucks for me. I was always the girl approached at the bar and now I sit (with frumpy clothes on) and I feel like I can't be as outward or screamy (don't judge) because then I'm that fat girl who needs to be cut off.

This is just further motivation of what I want for my life (uhhh...the ability to look easy in a bar??). Just the confidence of knowing that I am attractive and wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself. Stay focused.

Feeling Great About Life Right Now

So. Day two back on plan was a SUCCESS. I had a great day and I have like 5.5 points left. (uhh...don't hold me to that! I may have a midnight snack!)

Also, old college roommate and I went for probably a 3 mile or so hike. Good times.

Quick post but overall, I'm feeling good. I read in a WW message board that nothing feels as good as being on plan! This feeling is better than cookies! (Not better than chocolate cake, just better than cookies!)

Gearing up for Day Three!

Unexpected

Today is first day back ON. So while I am back on today and I am being all healthy and such, someone threw me for a serious loop. My first college roommate (in a different state) walked into my place of part-time employment. We had a falling out like 4 years ago and I haven't spoken to her or seen her since. So weird. Also, last time she saw me, I was 75lbs thinner and she was probably 40lbs bigger. So now I'm fat and she's healthy and I'm hating my life a little more. I've never been more dedicated to this journey as I am now. I know that this will be unfortunately a forever journey. This won't be a six month journey and then I'm done, I will have to work on it everyday for the rest of my life. Super.

So, right now, I'm going to go to the gym and I am having faith that everything happens for a reason and people enter and exit your lives for a reason.

Dare to Be Remarkable

To say that I have fallen off the wagon is a massive understatement. More like, I have fallen off the wagon but my shoe is still caught on the wheel so I am being dragged over and over and my head is being beaten into the ground. I have been off plan for over a month. The only thing that makes it different this time is that I have not stopped going to WW meetings. I know it sounds stupid that I am not following the diet but am still weighing in and attending the meetings but I know that if I stop going, I will not easily hop back on the wagon. So, I think I'm ready to hop back on.

At my part time job at a bookstore, I was doing inventory in the diet section (I picked) and I started to look at a book that I have seen 50 times. It is called, Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs. I read the first chapter or so and fell in love with some Chantel. She is very pretty and was 350 lbs. She says her moment of realization came when she overheard her devoted husband making fun of a big, fat Miami Dolphins player that weighed 340lbs with his friends. She outweighed him by 10lbs. She was fatter than a fat linebacker. And THAT is a bad day. I totally get that though because my beau is wonderful but damn skinny and he will make a careless comment about someone being fat not realizing they are thinner than me.

I am still considering buying the book. She focuses on making permanent, realistic changes to your brain and body. I totally dig this theory. When I came home, I googled her to find out more and found that she has her own "weight loss empire" at which you can become a member and pay $60 for her to motivate you. So, I'm not exactly judging because I am currently paying $39.95 for Weight Watchers and I'm not even FOLLOWING THE EFFING PLAN. This introduction to Ms. Hobbs was a really good wake-up call though. Today I have been thinking about the following things:

1. If not now, when? I will be 25 in 2 months and I don't want to be a 30 year old fat girl. I don't want to be a fat bride and I don't want to be a fat mom. These things ARE all in my control.
2. I have all of the resources I need. I have a gym membership at the best gym in town. Even though unemployed, I am making a reasonable income. Because I'm unemployed, I have a lot of FREE TIME. I am a member of a healthy weight loss organization that provides several avenues of support.
3. I am an intelligent and strong willed person. I am fully capable of doing this. The only thing stopping me from reaching my goals and dreams is.....me.

So, here we go again.....