What I'm Doing

Sigh. I feel like you don't believe me anymore. I post that THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE TIME. Then..it isn't. And I cheat. And I give up. And I gain even more. Everytime.

The truth is, I don't believe myself anymore. I let myself down. I don't trust myself. This time (you know, time 14,287) I didn't tell you. I've only told a couple of people. I waited until now because I'm slowly starting to think what if this IS the time.

I think a yo-yo dieter struggles more than a first timer for these very reasons.

This time around I don't feel monumentally motivated and I don't think I have all the answers. I take it day by day everyday. People say that and I never understood it until now.

A reason I wanted to come back was because I hate reading a weight loss blog when the author started writing after they lost the weight. I want to share all of the terrible, doubtful, and amazing things I am learning everyday. I think the first days are the hardest except the middle days and the end days.

I am on Day 12. My choices are different than the last post I read. I am counting calories and I have not had sweets (with an exception I will get to later) in 12 days.

This time, in the days leading up to January 1st, I wrote, what would a healthy Pamela eat? If I were thin, if I were the person I want to physically look like, what would I eat everyday?

If this is going to be a lifestyle change, I have to choose what I want for my  life.

I'm a teacher and I have planned accordingly.

I start school very early never again will I work at a school that starts at the frickin crack of dawn. I must be in my room by 6:50 which puts me eating an early breakfast between 6:30-7:00 a.m. I a: do not have my crap together to make a meal for that time and b: don't want to eat a large meal at that time.

So, here is a sample of what my daily eating is looking like:

6:30-7:00 Early Breakfast
Light English Muffin 100 calories
Laughing Cow Cream  45 calories
2 Tbl jelly                     45 calories     (the sweet exception I was talking about)

8:45-9:15ish Mid-morning Breakfast (my planning time)
greek yogurt                 110
banana                          110

12:15 Lunch Time
This varies, sometimes premade soup, sometimes ff refried beans with salsa and sour cream, or a wrap with a piece of fruit. It usually ends up being around 300 calories.

4:00 Either when I get home or if I have meetings I take it to school.
Wheat organic crackers   130      (just like wheat thins, don't have hfcs and I get 17)
2 Tbl Hummus                   60 or
1 pkg premade Tuna Salad 100 calories

6:00-7:00 Dinner

Usually an omelet because I love them but would NEVER make time in the morning to make one.
Toppings are either:
sundried tomatoes, mushrooms, feta  or
cheddar, tomatoes and bacon
If I have an omelet, I usually have "diet" toast, you know the 35 calorie toast with a little butter and jelly.

If this isn't dinner, I try to make it protein and a side. Last night I had salmon and quinoa which rocked my world. Tonight I'm going to have a filet and potatoes.
I end my day with a grapefruit. I peel all of the bitter skin off which takes me like 20 minutes leaving the tart fruit. Love it and it is 55 calories.

Phew. You're still reading? I love you. I have long post tendencies but the two weeks of Christmas Break I did nothing but research meal plans. I wanted to know, what did successful people eat?

So. I hope you hear words of wisdom if you are on your journey. It has been hard. Everyday. So worth it though. Twelve days is the longest I've stayed on a diet in years so keep reading for more!