Motivation

Motivation is one of my favorite topics to discuss. It is what teachers are constantly striving to find as well as dieters. What motivates us? Why are we so motivated on the front end but as the newness wears off, so does the motivation? Research shows that motivation is internal and personal. What motivates me won't motivate you. How do you find out what that motivator is though? Can that be a Facebook quiz? Would be great!

When teaching kids, we must know their interests but they must also understand the impact of their hard work. Kids do not understand why education is so important nor do they understand why they are learning that particular concept.

Dieters on the other hand are different. We know why we want to lose weight. I want to be thin again so that I am physically attractive. I want to wear fun and beautiful clothes that do not otherwise look good on me. I also want to live forever and in order to do that, I must live a healthy lifestyle. I want all of those things badly. Then why can I stay on-plan for 5 days then eat candy, ice cream and all other things made by the devil for 3 days negating all of the progress I have made? I feel like I can't even stay on plan long enough to make a noticeable bit of progress.

If you find the answers, you call me.

Have you done it?

I did it. I finally did it. Have you done it? I'm not a bandwagon jumper so I usually wait six months and THEN try it just as the trend it dying. It was o.k. I wasn't very good at it because I'm ridiculously uncoordinated. I'm talking about Zumba. I shook my wild thing with 30 other people and I plan to do so again tomorrow night. I feel like the more I do it, the better I will get. So, are you ready for the BEST part about Zumba? I didn't even notice the hour passing. It was fast and furious and then over! My FAVORITE kind of exercise! So my other favorite part of Zumba was this ridiculousness:

What in the free world is that??????? Two older women were wearing these "belly dancer" type skirts over their workout pants. Unless you are a belly dancer or for that matter, in BELLY DANCING classes, you are not welcome to wear the clinky-clanky skirt. Do you understand me? Not acceptable. Overall: If they were giving grades for Zumba, I would get an F. Luckily, I plan to keep trying harder and will maybe earn a B+.

How Exercise and Kissing Cost Me

So. From the last post, I hope you gathered that I'm making uber effort. I want this. I walked 2.5 miles earlier today and thought it was just too hot to continue so I went home. To make up for it, tonight I decided to walk an old jogging route of mine from 65lbs ago. After my trusty route, I drove a couple of blocks to my boyfriend's work to give him a surprise kiss. We do that. It is sweet. After said kiss and surprise, I got back in the car and it was dead. Nothing.

Spoken of sweet boyfriend pushes the car for me while I steer into a better location for the tow truck guy to come and pick it up. Tow truck guy gets there and says....."hey, lemme see what it sounds like." I turn it over and it starts. Seriously. So. Tow truck guy says that it is either my battery or alternator. The goal is to take my car to O'Reilly's or Autozone or whatever tomorrow.

So. If I didn't want to exercise or kiss. I would be a richer woman. (For probably like a day.)

While I Was Out....

I frankly wasn't doing much. I am still a member of Weight Watchers but I frankly haven't been doing much with the plan. I've hit a point of super shame in my weight where I am SICK of looking like this. I have decided that I WILL blog everyday no matter what because even if I don't have a day to brag about, I still want to be accountable.

I hit a spot in my weight where I don't want to go out, be in public nor attend events that I would be otherwise looking forward to. That is just a depressing way to live life.

Since I talked to you last, I am still unemployed and I am now living in a new apartment. The only reason that the unemployment is notable is because that means I have had over 3 months of nothing interfering with a workout routine/diet plan and I have piddled that time away. That sucks.

So. New plan. Following Weight Watchers online. Dedicated to 5 workouts a week. I would like to lose 15lbs by October 31st which I know is very difficult BUT I think it is attainable if I stay focused. I also have a 25lb goal before January 1st. This IS attainable and I know I CAN do it.

So, I'm back baby.

Hello....My Name is...

Hello.........My name is P and I'm a sometimes blogger. Just like I'm a sometimes dieter. And by sometimes, I mean when I stinkin' feel like it. Does this make me a better blogger? Nooo. Does this help me lose weight? Noooo. So, as I sit here with my 1/2 cup nf milk and 1 cup of blueberries (2pts!) lemme tell what has been up with me:



I'm extremely unemployed which is creating super stress and outlook is not looking good. It has been really hard to be positive but I need to take advantage of this because I keep wondering if it is God trying to speak to me. In the past 5 years, I have not had time to take care of myself and as a result I have gained 75lbs. I have AMPLE time to take care of myself and go to the gym! My dream has ALWAYS been to write a book and now the only thing stopping me is me. I need to start my Master's and even though I'm intimidated by debt, I COULD do that. I just need to remain positive.



So. On the diet front. Since the last time you and I spoke, I had a GREAT ON week and lost 5lbs then went on a teeny-tiny secret vacation that very few know about (it was free) but there was a margarita at EVERY meal which caused like a 3.5 lb gain. So, this week I'm BACK on and I weigh in tomorrow. I LOVE weighing in Friday afternoons because I use all weekly points on Friday night-Saturday night. I used to have a Sunday weigh in which was historically speaking, not one of my better plans.



Okey doke. Going to make a grocery list and get to bed! Adios.

Sometimes I forget........

that I'm not a super hot girl. I know that this is a long journey. I know that in my brain but my heart gets often discouraged. When I have a super workout like I had tonight, I feel strong and empowered then I get a glance in the mirror and realize that I have not been doing this long enough to make a physical change. I'm still a big, fat girl. Boo.

Tonight, I do feel great about myself. I told myself that I would wake up and go to a spinning class. Ohh the bed felt good and I couldn't leave it. Then I told myself I would go to an evening spinning class and I was late getting back into town after running errands in a nearby town. SO. I went to the gym and did an hour and a half of cardio and about 15 minutes of strength training. Because it is like midnight, I had the gym to myself. It was LOVELY.

Which brings me to the two types of people that go to the gym. Type A: Regular gym goers, athletic and fitness consious. These people have ALWAYS worked out. Type B: People trying to get into shape.

I currently fit into Type B. Which is fine. I have a problem with the people who have issues working out in a gym. I could care less what I look like or what everyone thinks of me. I CLEARLY fit into Type B. Everyone knows why I'm there! So, people who worry about everyone else, eff em and start your workout.

The Hot Girl

I used to be her. And now I'm not. And it sucks. Tonight I went out with a few friends and I still haven't adjusted to the fact that I'm not going to be checked out. I know this sounds stupid but it truly sucks for me. I was always the girl approached at the bar and now I sit (with frumpy clothes on) and I feel like I can't be as outward or screamy (don't judge) because then I'm that fat girl who needs to be cut off.

This is just further motivation of what I want for my life (uhhh...the ability to look easy in a bar??). Just the confidence of knowing that I am attractive and wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself. Stay focused.

Feeling Great About Life Right Now

So. Day two back on plan was a SUCCESS. I had a great day and I have like 5.5 points left. (uhh...don't hold me to that! I may have a midnight snack!)

Also, old college roommate and I went for probably a 3 mile or so hike. Good times.

Quick post but overall, I'm feeling good. I read in a WW message board that nothing feels as good as being on plan! This feeling is better than cookies! (Not better than chocolate cake, just better than cookies!)

Gearing up for Day Three!

Unexpected

Today is first day back ON. So while I am back on today and I am being all healthy and such, someone threw me for a serious loop. My first college roommate (in a different state) walked into my place of part-time employment. We had a falling out like 4 years ago and I haven't spoken to her or seen her since. So weird. Also, last time she saw me, I was 75lbs thinner and she was probably 40lbs bigger. So now I'm fat and she's healthy and I'm hating my life a little more. I've never been more dedicated to this journey as I am now. I know that this will be unfortunately a forever journey. This won't be a six month journey and then I'm done, I will have to work on it everyday for the rest of my life. Super.

So, right now, I'm going to go to the gym and I am having faith that everything happens for a reason and people enter and exit your lives for a reason.

Dare to Be Remarkable

To say that I have fallen off the wagon is a massive understatement. More like, I have fallen off the wagon but my shoe is still caught on the wheel so I am being dragged over and over and my head is being beaten into the ground. I have been off plan for over a month. The only thing that makes it different this time is that I have not stopped going to WW meetings. I know it sounds stupid that I am not following the diet but am still weighing in and attending the meetings but I know that if I stop going, I will not easily hop back on the wagon. So, I think I'm ready to hop back on.

At my part time job at a bookstore, I was doing inventory in the diet section (I picked) and I started to look at a book that I have seen 50 times. It is called, Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs. I read the first chapter or so and fell in love with some Chantel. She is very pretty and was 350 lbs. She says her moment of realization came when she overheard her devoted husband making fun of a big, fat Miami Dolphins player that weighed 340lbs with his friends. She outweighed him by 10lbs. She was fatter than a fat linebacker. And THAT is a bad day. I totally get that though because my beau is wonderful but damn skinny and he will make a careless comment about someone being fat not realizing they are thinner than me.

I am still considering buying the book. She focuses on making permanent, realistic changes to your brain and body. I totally dig this theory. When I came home, I googled her to find out more and found that she has her own "weight loss empire" at which you can become a member and pay $60 for her to motivate you. So, I'm not exactly judging because I am currently paying $39.95 for Weight Watchers and I'm not even FOLLOWING THE EFFING PLAN. This introduction to Ms. Hobbs was a really good wake-up call though. Today I have been thinking about the following things:

1. If not now, when? I will be 25 in 2 months and I don't want to be a 30 year old fat girl. I don't want to be a fat bride and I don't want to be a fat mom. These things ARE all in my control.
2. I have all of the resources I need. I have a gym membership at the best gym in town. Even though unemployed, I am making a reasonable income. Because I'm unemployed, I have a lot of FREE TIME. I am a member of a healthy weight loss organization that provides several avenues of support.
3. I am an intelligent and strong willed person. I am fully capable of doing this. The only thing stopping me from reaching my goals and dreams is.....me.

So, here we go again.....

Life is a...

So, I'm losing motivation faster than weight! I'm on Day 17 of the journey. Everything in life is happening RIGHT NOW. I have super anxiety in both work life and personal life which is making me want to eat a Otis Spunkmeyer factory. Last Friday I made my roommate drive to a cupcake shop called Gigi's, she bought one and I almost broke into tears trying to decide if I wanted one. Instead I ate a bite of her's. So, I ate out both Friday and Saturday night which skyrocketed my points super high. And to further whine, I haven't worked out in a week and I broke down and had a Gigi's cupcake last night. In tears. We're talkin' this thing is like what I can eat in a day. So, overall...boo, hate life. Wanting to throw in the towel but that isn't going to make anyone thinner or happier.

On to Day 18.

F My Life

For the most part, I don't hate life. Really I don't. BUT when you throw at me:

1. my students bombing a standardized test that reflects my teaching
2. terrible cravings and moodiness
3. wanting to eat an entire cake
4. my boyfriend saying about the wrongest thing he could have possibly said
5. me losing my debit card

I'm not going to have a sunny disposition.

I'm still effing on plan even though I REALLY don't want to be. I want CAKE. I want ICE CREAM.

Problem: I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life AND I've worked WAY too hard for this. Damn.

A Loss is a Loss is a Loss

So I had my first weigh-in today. I would like to preface this post with the statement: I BUSTED MY TAIL THIS WEEK! I lost 2.2 lbs. Not impressed. I expected to lose you know 5lbs of water weight. This freaks me out because is it that I didn't HAVE water weight OR I didn't lose fat. *Pout* Everytime I have ever started a new weight loss plan, I have lost like 6lbs the first week. Sadness.

Emo Eating

Buy me skinny jeans and call me the 5th member of Weezer because I'm fighting the urge to emo eat.

I had a friend call me and pretty much ream me out over something trivial. This is becoming more common and I feel like I am starting to walk on eggshells around this friend. Rule of Life #82, don't surround yourself by people you walk on eggshells around because it is draining and does NOT benefit your life.

So, after I get off the phone with said friend, I pass Bruster's Ice Cream and Gigi's Cupcakes. I'm sitting here thinking about all of the candy I want to eat AFTER I stop at both of these places and eat the menu!

Instead, I started thinking BULL. I'm am NOT letting this ONE friend reverse all of the work I have done. Why would I give someone power over me? What is sad is that we know that we ALL do it! A guy cuts us off on the road and we eat Phish Food over it.

So here's to stickin to it and having less friends!

Day One, Take THAT!

SUCK-CESS!!!

Yesterday was day one.....you know of the rest of my life and such. I had a successful day in my eyes.

Went to the gym and worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes WITHOUT STOPPING!! (Hey. It has been a while. Stop judging me.)

I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting. I am allotted 29 points a day and I am now OBSESSED with etools because it is the Facebook of fat people. LOVE IT.

So, here is my dilemma. I won't call it a dilemma. Here is my conundrum. One of my biggest weaknesses is eating out with my boyfriend on Friday and Saturday nights. We like eating out and we like food A LOT. So, about 3 1/2 restaurants in town HAVE nutritional information. I do not like 2 of them. Problem. Here is my solution. (It's good.) If I save like 5 points a day then on Friday I can have a "normal" meal. Now I won't be able to have like the uber BBQ cheeseburger,(I miss you already.) but I can have a sirloin with a sweet potato and salad. NATURALLY, I will do my best to track it but I do not have to feel guilty because I was SAVING. Like if REALLY wanted a Louis Vuitton purse for $1000. I can SAVE $200 per month and then I can HAVE it. Do know, I do not LIKE to cash in my flexible 35 or my activity. It just bothers me. Now if this does not work well on the first week, I will assess and reevaluate.

Next order of business. Or a topic I like to call, WTF!

This morning I woke up quite early. I'm on Spring Break so I think it is sacreligious as well. So I decided to go to the gym as I have a busy day ahead of me. OH. Lucky for me, a spinning class was JUST about to start and I LOVE spinning! So, I head on in and get started. I have taken spinning at this gym with several different instructors and at about the 35-40 minute mark, we hop off the bike and start stretching. So, at 50 minutes, seven other ladies and I were thinking &*%*# IS THIS??

Throughout those last 20 minutes, I was incredibly angry and talking to myself in my head. The conversation went something like this:

Pissed Me: You don't JUST KEEP going. It is supposed to be a 35-45 minute class. You WARN the class.

WW Me: What? You can't handle to keep going??

Pissed Me: I didn't SAY that. I just said, you give some warning! What if I had shit to do?

WW Me: Do you have shit to do?

Pissed Me: No.

WW Me: You can't stand to burn a few more calories??? You need less exercise?

Pissed Me: I'm not talking to you anymore.

So. WW Me won and I biked for FIFTY FIVE minutes today and I officially hate instructor chick because she ALL made me work out HARDER.

Stay tuned for another successful day!

well....not just yet.

I have not quite completed my goal yet. Actually, I started my goal T-1 hour ago BUT if you stick with me, you will see me kickin' off some LB's and be motivated along the way! Or motivate me along the way. Today I joined Weight Watchers online and will attend my first meeting tonight. Now, do not presume I'm a newbie at this. I happen to be a weight loss professional! In fact, I have lost 200 lbs. You know, lose 5, gain 8, lose 3, gain 4. So. I have LOST probably 200 but I have gained 280. Problem? I think so.

This is about the 8th time I have joined Weight Watchers and are you ready for the laundry list of reasons it didn't work?

Here ya go:

1. I couldn't afford the $12 a week membership fee. (got the big girl job now! check!)
2. I couldn't afford healthy food. (see above. check, check!)
3. I wasn't scared that I was going to be a big, fat girl for the rest of my life. (got the fear. check!)
4. I didn't have the time to work-out/plan/care about me. (have the flexibility. check!)

Sooo. No more excuses right??? Well....here we ago. Another Success Story.